The decision wasn't easy to come by. We struggled a lot, mentally and emotionally, on whether or not to return to The States to live.
I've always longed to live in England and while the cost of living was higher than I was used to, I couldn't sacrifice all of that beautiful history that was right in my own back yard!
So many things had happened that led me to the decision to come back home. My Mother had a couple of medical issues that arose and I am so close to her that I couldn't imagine being there for her in her time of need. It broke my heart when both her and my Father were diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and I couldn't be there to help them through those first few weeks/months of coping with the disease. My Mother-in-law, who also suffers from Type 2, gave me a lot of guidance about what they were going through and it prepared me a little to be supportive for them albeit over the phone and web.
Neil is one of those husbands who can be self-sacrificing. If it comes down to it he would rather that I be happy above his happiness. We talked at length about the pros and cons of moving back to my 'home'. It was a hard decision to make but we ultimately decided we would have better opportunities living here.
During the 11 month process of jumping through all of the hoops that the government laid out for us we took advantage of all the things that we would miss in England. We visited a lot of castles, saw a lot of sites and spent Neil's days off adventuring instead of sitting still. We did so much in that time but nothing would prepare us for how heart-breaking it would be to kiss my in-laws goodbye and get on a plane not knowing when we would all see each other again.
But on November 7, 2005 we found ourselves boarding a plane heading back to Florida. After all of the 'hurry up and wait' that we had gone through with the government for the last 11 months, it seemed surreal to finally have his visa and be headed to start over again in Florida!
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
The loss....
In April 2005, Neil and I found out that we were expecting our first child. We were so torn emotionally. We were right in the middle of trying to secure a visa for Neil to live in the US with me but we were still living in England. We had no idea what we were going to do so we decided that we were going to stay until the baby was born and we would continue through the process.
On May 24, 2005 I woke up with hard cramps at 3a. I didn't think too much of it at the time as I was hoping that it would just be baby snuggling in. I woke up on time for work and noticed some brown spotting. Worried, I called my GP who told me to go straight to Frenchay Hospital and he would meet me there. I went in and they took me through A&E and set me up in my own room. I called Neil because I was scared but he couldn't leave work so I promised I would keep him informed.
My doctor showed up finally and did an ultrasound and there was my baby! The first time I saw the heart beat. The doctor was concerned that the heart beat wasn't very strong but said that everything looked good, my cervix was closed etc. but he ordered me home on bed rest.
May 25, 2005 - the day we'll never forget. I was in the bathroom, one of my routine visits of the day and I had a shock go through my whole abdomen that had me doubled over on the floor. I crawled back to bed and laid there until it went away. Once the pain had subsided I got up and went to the bathroom again. I was mortified to see bright red blood. The pain in my abdomen came back and I crawled from the bathroom back to the bedroom and grabbed my phone, I called my GP who told me to go back to A&E then I called Neil. He said he would try to get out but to go straight to the hospital.
The doctor met me there and helped me from the car back to the room. He did an ultrasound, this time...the heartbeat was so faint that it was barely noticeable. He checked my cervix and frowned. I started to cry. He told me that my cervix was fully dilated. I cried harder. He explained to me what to expect over the coming days and told me to come back in a week for a check up.
A week later I went to the GP's office, he checked me again and noticed that I was still bleeding. Guess where we were headed? Back to A&E. Another ultrasound revealed that the sac was still attached to my uterus. He told me we were going to have to do a D&C. I cried and he explained to me that the heartbeat wasn't there anymore and this was necessary. I went ahead with the procedure. I cried the whole time, his nurse was very nice and held my hand. He asked me if I wanted to see the baby, I knew it would be too much and said no. Even though I was only 9wks at the time he told me that upon first look nothing looked abnormal. He said he would send the fetus for testing to make sure that it was nothing genetic. After the procedure was over he sent me on my way.
I cried on and off for the next week. The GP called me to tell me that there were no genetic abnormalities and that he believes it was just a spontaneous miscarriage. It seemed harder on me to not even have an answer but I knew that my baby was in Heaven. That was all that mattered!
It would be be three long years until we would try again....
On May 24, 2005 I woke up with hard cramps at 3a. I didn't think too much of it at the time as I was hoping that it would just be baby snuggling in. I woke up on time for work and noticed some brown spotting. Worried, I called my GP who told me to go straight to Frenchay Hospital and he would meet me there. I went in and they took me through A&E and set me up in my own room. I called Neil because I was scared but he couldn't leave work so I promised I would keep him informed.
My doctor showed up finally and did an ultrasound and there was my baby! The first time I saw the heart beat. The doctor was concerned that the heart beat wasn't very strong but said that everything looked good, my cervix was closed etc. but he ordered me home on bed rest.
May 25, 2005 - the day we'll never forget. I was in the bathroom, one of my routine visits of the day and I had a shock go through my whole abdomen that had me doubled over on the floor. I crawled back to bed and laid there until it went away. Once the pain had subsided I got up and went to the bathroom again. I was mortified to see bright red blood. The pain in my abdomen came back and I crawled from the bathroom back to the bedroom and grabbed my phone, I called my GP who told me to go back to A&E then I called Neil. He said he would try to get out but to go straight to the hospital.
The doctor met me there and helped me from the car back to the room. He did an ultrasound, this time...the heartbeat was so faint that it was barely noticeable. He checked my cervix and frowned. I started to cry. He told me that my cervix was fully dilated. I cried harder. He explained to me what to expect over the coming days and told me to come back in a week for a check up.
A week later I went to the GP's office, he checked me again and noticed that I was still bleeding. Guess where we were headed? Back to A&E. Another ultrasound revealed that the sac was still attached to my uterus. He told me we were going to have to do a D&C. I cried and he explained to me that the heartbeat wasn't there anymore and this was necessary. I went ahead with the procedure. I cried the whole time, his nurse was very nice and held my hand. He asked me if I wanted to see the baby, I knew it would be too much and said no. Even though I was only 9wks at the time he told me that upon first look nothing looked abnormal. He said he would send the fetus for testing to make sure that it was nothing genetic. After the procedure was over he sent me on my way.
I cried on and off for the next week. The GP called me to tell me that there were no genetic abnormalities and that he believes it was just a spontaneous miscarriage. It seemed harder on me to not even have an answer but I knew that my baby was in Heaven. That was all that mattered!
It would be be three long years until we would try again....
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Wedding...
We traveled from Bristol where I was staying with him and his family to London, Nottingham, Middlesbrough and then Carlisle. We stayed in Carlisle which was just outside where we were getting married.
We were very lucky when we got to the hotel that, since we were having flowers delivered there, they knew we were getting married so they upgraded us to the honeymoon suite at no extra charge. It was beautiful! A few of our friends from around Scotland and England traveled to see us get married. It was mostly just our online friends who had witnessed our relationship develop and Neil's best friend, Luke, who was also our Best Man!
We married on June 30th, 2004 at 1:30p GMT in Gretna Green, Scotland inside of The Blacksmiths Cottage. There is so much history tied up in Gretna Green that it almost seemed fitting for us to marry somewhere so historical. Here is what Wikipedia has to say about Gretna Green. It has secret compartments in the walls where the Priests and other staff would hide the runaways who wanted to get married incase if their parents showed up trying to stop the wedding. It was amazing to know that we were sharing that area with so many other people who came before us and were incredibly in love, like us.
Although we would've loved for our families to be there we were blessed that we had friends by our sides who could witness our marriage that day.
We hope to take Tyler there someday to show him where his Mommy and Daddy started their life of commitment to each other off at, I hope he will be as in awe of the history as we were.
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