Bitch.
I've been called that a fair few times. Sometimes I thought 'Wow. I really must be a piece of work' but I've put some thought into it while I've been separated from my husband and the quiet of my room while my toddler sleeps. If I am being labeled a bitch does it make me one because I protect my family? Because I stand up for the things I believe in? Because I won't let people talk badly about my husband and the choices that we've made as a family?
Because people feel the need to attack us, I have my guard up. It is no one's business what my husband chooses to do. For five years we've had lengthy talks of where our careers would take us and Neil did the best he could as a civilian once we moved to the US together but the Army has opened doors for us that we never dreamed imaginable. My husband is a born soldier. His mind works differently than my own and though I can not often wrap my mind around the things that he does and likes, I would never oppose him seeking out the things that made him happy. His happiness means the world to me.
To those critics reading and those who have voiced their opinions in the past, feel free to leave your unwanted criticisms at the door. Neil may be many things but the one thing he will never be is careless. The Army is providing him training and the tools for survival and I don't expect others to understand why he does this or to question this! He knows that he has a young family at home who loves him and he knows the risks out there but that is what is making him stand head and shoulders above the rest. He is taking all of his training in and learning how to apply it to real life situations. He is already taking his job very seriously and in the back of his mind is Tyler and I. I have faith in the Army that they're training him well.
But I digress. I am not a bitch, I stand up for my family and if, to you, that makes me a bitch than perhaps you need to do some evaluating on yourself. I would give my life for my son and my husband without a second thought and Neil is doing the same for us. Another quote that really speaks to me says: "My husband doesn't fight because he hates what is in front of him, he fights because he loves what is behind him." This is his country now. He is an American Citizen, an American Soldier. He doesn't take the Oath of Enlistment or the Citizenship Oath lightly. He wants to do all that he can to keep our nation safe.
This is why I don't feel like we need the people in our lives who put him down for his career choices. He doesn't come to your office and yell at you for sitting on your ass all day! Instead, he is willing to fight so you can have that freedom! The sad part is, some of these people are supposed to be his 'family'. There has been everything from a lack of support to coming right out and saying that they don't agree with it. When you talk about my husband behind his back to me, don't think that it stays there long. As soon as I have a moment to sit down with him, I tell him everything. We harbor no secrets. So next time you try to blow sunshine up his ass and tell him how proud you are of him just be well aware that he already knows the truth.
In the coming months and years we will find out who really deserves to be in our lives. I have a feeling I can already count about 10 people who will be quickly dropped from our lives and it won't come as a surprise when it happens. Some people you just don't get along with and it's nothing personal. It really is just conflicting personalities. I've tried a lot and mostly in vain. The people who are two-faced always continue to be two-faced. I can firmly say that no one likes people that are two-faced and everyone knows that you are, no matter how much you may try to hide it. People act like they like you only hoping to not get on your bad side but they know you can never be trusted. It's sad really. You will never be truly happy because you are too busy trying to make yourself look better to others.
There are people who come into our lives and you know that they are meant to be there. You know that God brought them into your life for a reason and then there are times when it's just not worth it....
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
In love with an American Soldier....
With Neil being gone it has allowed me a lot of time to reflect on our relationship. While we've known each other for about eight years, of those eight years we've only been married six. Sometimes, it feels like we've been married 20! In our 'short' marriage we have gone through a lot. God has tested us time and time again and at the end of it all we're still together!
I think the things we have gone through have prepared us to be a military family. We're no strangers to distance. We've lived 1400 miles and an ocean apart before. I think that knowledge is what leaves no doubt that God exists in my mind. How could He not have a hand in us being together? Of all the people I met on my journey's to England all of them were driving me south to where he lived. I had long given up on finding 'the one' when he and I met. He was persistent on me dating him but I was living back in the U.S. then and I wasn't interested in doing this international dating again. Not only was it expensive but it was heartbreaking. Too many long goodbyes said in airports, tears streaming down my cheeks and the lonely walk to the plane by myself. For some reason, he was worth it all.
We know what he signed up for. We aren't delusional in thinking that he won't be deployed at some point, we know he joined up in a time of war. We're entirely aware of the choices that he has made. I believe that the Army trains their soldiers well. I don't think that they would send them into battle thinking that they weren't prepared or that they had not done all they could to prepare them. This is Neil's second go round in an Army, albeit first time in the US Army. He is a born leader. Something in him makes him WANT to be a soldier. I never thought I would be a full-time Army wife but his happiness is something that I could not push aside. He likes long runs, good PT sessions, playing with guns/cannons and mentoring other soldiers. How could I not be proud of him?
Seeing Neil with all of the other recruits that he started BCT with was something I'm not likely to forget. They had all changed, matured...even Neil! For the most part he stayed the same but when he saw us there was pride in his eyes. He was happy that we were there to support him and proud to show us all off. I was whisked between soldiers and Drill Sergeants and meeting everyone in between. Seeing him become a citizen and pinning his PFC pin on him were things I was all too happy to be apart of!
That time was over all too soon. Sunday rolled around quicker than I cared for and we were standing in the parking lot in front of his new unit with tears in our eyes. When he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest I could feel myself collapse from the inside out. It felt like my heart had given out and the sobbing was uncontrollable. I pulled away to look at his face and saw tears streaming down his face. In that moment I realized we were feeling the same thing, he was going to miss me just as much. I buried my face in his chest again and continued to cry. Every once in awhile I felt light kisses on the top of my head and a soothing rub on my back from his hand. We kissed once more and he grabbed his bags, told me he loved me and he would see me soon and started to walk off. We held hands until they were broke by the distance and I got in the car and cried. I couldn't watch him walk away. I cried for a few minutes and when I thought he was likely gone, we drove off.
I can still recall that pain in my heart as I write this. He really is my everything. I don't know how I would live or breathe without him. I hope they are things I never have to try and do. The thought of him being gone for good brings tears to my eyes now, I could only imagine what it would feel like if it were real. I pray that he is never taken from me but I know that a lot of military wives have made those prayers before and not all of them were answered. He is willing to give his life for this country. He is willing to give his life for all that he believes in.
I'm proud of him. My husband, my soldier. He doesn't need to wear a cape to be our hero. Wearing combat boots is enough. He most likely will never make it into the headlines or be on the front of the newspaper for all the good he will do but I will know. His son will know. Joining up in a time of war makes him braver than most people I know. I am proud to be his wife, even before he was a soldier I knew he was destined for great things. God called him to be a soldier and he has answered the call.
On Neil's facebook page is a quote from the Toby Keith song 'American Soldier'. This is is a song that touches both of our hearts and fills us with pride to the point of tears when we hear it. The quote reads: "I will always do my duty, no matter what the price. I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice. I don't want to die for you but if dying's asked of me, I'll bear that cross with honor cause freedom don't come free."
American Soldier - Toby Keith
I think the things we have gone through have prepared us to be a military family. We're no strangers to distance. We've lived 1400 miles and an ocean apart before. I think that knowledge is what leaves no doubt that God exists in my mind. How could He not have a hand in us being together? Of all the people I met on my journey's to England all of them were driving me south to where he lived. I had long given up on finding 'the one' when he and I met. He was persistent on me dating him but I was living back in the U.S. then and I wasn't interested in doing this international dating again. Not only was it expensive but it was heartbreaking. Too many long goodbyes said in airports, tears streaming down my cheeks and the lonely walk to the plane by myself. For some reason, he was worth it all.
We know what he signed up for. We aren't delusional in thinking that he won't be deployed at some point, we know he joined up in a time of war. We're entirely aware of the choices that he has made. I believe that the Army trains their soldiers well. I don't think that they would send them into battle thinking that they weren't prepared or that they had not done all they could to prepare them. This is Neil's second go round in an Army, albeit first time in the US Army. He is a born leader. Something in him makes him WANT to be a soldier. I never thought I would be a full-time Army wife but his happiness is something that I could not push aside. He likes long runs, good PT sessions, playing with guns/cannons and mentoring other soldiers. How could I not be proud of him?
Seeing Neil with all of the other recruits that he started BCT with was something I'm not likely to forget. They had all changed, matured...even Neil! For the most part he stayed the same but when he saw us there was pride in his eyes. He was happy that we were there to support him and proud to show us all off. I was whisked between soldiers and Drill Sergeants and meeting everyone in between. Seeing him become a citizen and pinning his PFC pin on him were things I was all too happy to be apart of!
That time was over all too soon. Sunday rolled around quicker than I cared for and we were standing in the parking lot in front of his new unit with tears in our eyes. When he grabbed me and pulled me into his chest I could feel myself collapse from the inside out. It felt like my heart had given out and the sobbing was uncontrollable. I pulled away to look at his face and saw tears streaming down his face. In that moment I realized we were feeling the same thing, he was going to miss me just as much. I buried my face in his chest again and continued to cry. Every once in awhile I felt light kisses on the top of my head and a soothing rub on my back from his hand. We kissed once more and he grabbed his bags, told me he loved me and he would see me soon and started to walk off. We held hands until they were broke by the distance and I got in the car and cried. I couldn't watch him walk away. I cried for a few minutes and when I thought he was likely gone, we drove off.
I can still recall that pain in my heart as I write this. He really is my everything. I don't know how I would live or breathe without him. I hope they are things I never have to try and do. The thought of him being gone for good brings tears to my eyes now, I could only imagine what it would feel like if it were real. I pray that he is never taken from me but I know that a lot of military wives have made those prayers before and not all of them were answered. He is willing to give his life for this country. He is willing to give his life for all that he believes in.
I'm proud of him. My husband, my soldier. He doesn't need to wear a cape to be our hero. Wearing combat boots is enough. He most likely will never make it into the headlines or be on the front of the newspaper for all the good he will do but I will know. His son will know. Joining up in a time of war makes him braver than most people I know. I am proud to be his wife, even before he was a soldier I knew he was destined for great things. God called him to be a soldier and he has answered the call.
On Neil's facebook page is a quote from the Toby Keith song 'American Soldier'. This is is a song that touches both of our hearts and fills us with pride to the point of tears when we hear it. The quote reads: "I will always do my duty, no matter what the price. I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice. I don't want to die for you but if dying's asked of me, I'll bear that cross with honor cause freedom don't come free."
American Soldier - Toby Keith
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)